Hope Will Sustain Us

My heart is heavy these days. Some days more than others. But my heart sank again just this past week when I received a message from fellow farming friends that they were done. Tired of fighting against Big Ag and the repercussions of living next door to a large, conventional operation.

I can't say I blame them. I understand their brokenness. Oh, I don't believe their souls are broken. But when we pour our hearts and souls into something we believe in only to not be able to fight against something bigger, our hearts break that we are not able to see what we think should be the end result of our labor.

I've been listening to podcasts during my big-girl job, which is mowing for the city I live in. Let me tell you, I've been through a LOT of podcasts after an 8-hour day on a mower! I was excited to hear that the person being interviewed on the podcast I was listening to was Jennifer Rothschild. If you remember, Jennifer and her crew from Lifeway Christian Stores came out early this year to do some video taping with the sheep for her next Bible study that's coming out next month.  I am blessed to consider Jennifer and her husband, Phil, friends. They are some of the most genuine folks I have met.

So when I got to hear Jennifer's story again, and the questions she was answering about being a happy, vibrant woman, it brought together everything that's been bottling up inside of me, adding to the heartache for friends like above.

Even on my worst days, I ALWAYS try to remind myself, no matter how low, broke, lonely, sad, depressed I am, there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS someone who has it worse off than me. Someone out there is having a worse day than I am. And considering, however low, broke, lonely, sad, depressed I am, I am still VERY blessed.  I am trying to focus on the things to be grateful for in my life. Even the low parts, for there we can learn.

So here I am, mowing through the tombstones (I work in a cemetery!), avoiding vases and flowers and listening to the hope and joy and faith in Jennifer's voice and it hits me like a big, marble headstone. And I lose it. I'm bawling. The inspiration is leaking out of my whole face, and not quietly, either. Thankfully I was on a loud mower, but I'm pretty sure the guys - they're all guys; I'm the only female - I work with were wondering what in blazes was wrong with me!

It's crazy how God brings the little things in our lives together to make a point. Just a day or so before, I had read some scripture that really caught my attention, but didn't drive the point home until after the podcast, after the message from my friends, after talking with one of my girlfriends and admitting how tired I was. I have to be honest, I've found myself feeling extremely tired these days. Not physically, so much, but mentally, spiritually. Tired enough to not know what I want to be when I grow up. Tired enough to want to chuck it all and make that move to Maine. Tired enough to just kind of disappear and start over.

But this scripture keeps popping back up. And my tribe of girlfriends sends me random texts. And it seems that somehow, maybe I've made a little glimmer of a difference in someone's life. And I realize that's all I really want. And it gives me hope.

No matter what, no matter where, no matter how low, broke, lonely, sad, depressed we are, we can hope. Hope will sustain us.

"The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!'"
~Lamentations 3:19-24 NLT